


When You Love Someone

by floatingpetals



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mutual Pining, No happy endings, Reader-Insert, Yes they're both idiots, too blind to see it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 15:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16835020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floatingpetals/pseuds/floatingpetals
Summary: She couldn’t keep living with the pain, she had to escape so she asked to leave. She loved him, but she thought it could never be.





	When You Love Someone

"So when do you leave?”

Bucky’s head popped up from his book, glancing behind him to find the owner of the voice across the room. Natasha walked in, side by side with Y/N, and Bucky felt his heart skip in his chest. He frowned at the words from Natasha’s mouth, tilting his head in the direction of the two hoping to hear more.

“Not for a few more days.” Y/N responded, and Bucky could have sworn he detected a hint of sadness in her tone. He paused, questioning just what they could be talking about. What did Nat mean Y/N was leaving? Was she going on a vacation he didn’t know about? Quickly, he turned his head back to the book, hoping the two didn’t notice him staring. Natasha nodded, catching his movement out of the corner of her eye.

“Well, is there anything we can help you with? Need help packing or moving the boxes?” Y/N shook her head, smiling warmly at her offer.

“No, thank you though. I don’t have many things and I don’t plan on taking a whole lot anyway.” She sighed and plopped on the couch. Bucky listened intently, clutching the book his hands with a white-knuckled grip. Was she really leaving? When was this decided, and more importantly, how did he not know? His stomach dropped, and it was a struggle to swallow past the lump in his throat. The words on the pages began to blur, his hands shaking, and he struggled to keep in the build of tears. He didn’t want to believe it, she couldn’t be leaving them. Shooting up from his seat, he darted from the room without a glance at the two women on the couch.

Y/N frowned at his quick retreat, sitting forward on the cushion. She had noticed him when she entered the room, but it hurt too much to look his way. Natasha gently placed a hand on her knee, giving her a sympathetic smile. She knew of why Y/N was really leaving the compound, on why she asked for a transfer. Releasing a troubled sigh, Y/N collapsed back into the couch cushions blinking back her own set of tears.

“Hey now. What I tell you about crying?” Natasha scolded gently, pushing hair back away from Y/N’s face. She just nodded in response, wiping the stray tears.

“I know, I know. It’s just hard.”

“Have you said anything to him about it?” Natasha questioned. Y/N shook her head, sucking in a shuddering breath.

“No. there’d be no point. He runs every time I try to get close. I just… I can’t keep living like this. I have to move on.” Natasha frowned, understanding of Y/N’s problem. Everyone in the compound knew, everyone besides Bucky of course. Y/N was absolutely head over heels in love with Bucky. Unknown to her and the others, only Natasha knew that he was just as in love with Y/N. But no matter how often she tried to set them up, neither fell for it. It was like hitting a roadblock each time. They both vehemently refused to believe the other could possibly return the feelings. Eventually, Natasha simply gave up trying to bring them together, frustrated how stubborn they both were. Now it had escalated to Y/N needing to escape, to leave behind the only man she ever loved.

“I have to leave Nat. I have to so I can move on.” She murmured, voice breaking at the end. Natasha nodded, knowing the only way she could help now was supporting her best friend in her decision. Even if she did think it was a stupid one. Clapping a hand on her shoulder, Natasha stood and tugged Y/N to her feet.

“Come on. Let’s go look through your stuff and see what we can donate.”

Y/N sniffled and nodded, letting Natasha pull her through the halls to her room.

* * *

The booming music in the background drowned out most of her thoughts as she stood outside, a champagne flute in hand. She looked over the view of the dark forest, memorizing the way the moonlight danced across the treetops. This would be the last night she would see this view, the last time she would be in the compound. She let out a soft sigh and finished the little bit of champagne she had left.

Behind her, the party went on, despite the guest of honor’s sudden disappearance. Tony insisted on throwing her a farewell party, refusing to let her skip out without a proper goodbye from the team. Y/N truly appreciated the sentiment and knew it was going to be hard not seeing everyone every day. She’d miss them all so much, but she had to leave. She couldn’t stay.

A big part of her was shocked to see Bucky at the party, standing off to the side with a sullen look on his face. A few times during the night Y/N could have sworn he was staring, she could feel the intensity if his gaze on the back of her head from his direction. Yet, each time she chanced a glance, he was looking anywhere but. And every time, her heart sank a bit deeper. He never would care for her as much as she cared for him. She knew this from the start, but it still didn’t stop her from developing such passionate feelings for him.

Y/N was there from the beginning when Bucky was brought back to the compound. She tried her hardest to make him feel welcomed. She never hovered and let him find his footing, helping him when she could. Throughout his months there, she noticed how kind yet uncertain he was, and her heart thumped with each step he took in the direction of happiness. He eventually opened to everyone. Everyone but her. He would hardly spare her a glance, would leave the room swiftly when she entered. She had gotten used to the pang in her chest each time and cursed that her heart picked him. That didn’t stop her, couldn’t stop her from loving him so fiercely. He didn’t know that she was the one who set up his coffee in the morning, but she knew it always made him smile to see it ready for him first thing in the morning. He didn’t know she was the one who always made sure his weapons and gear were properly cleaned and ready for the next mission. She kept his stash of snacks he hid in the pantry stocked so that it would never be low. She was his secret keeper, the one he never cared to know.

Sucking in the cool night air, Y/N decided to call it a night. She stepped back into the loud party room to search for the others to say her goodnights, missing the shadow by the door that watched her pass with a longing expression. Bucky stepped out from his spot on the wall, looking through the glass. How he wished he had the guts to step up and speak with her, to say what he wanted. He didn’t want her to go, it was destroying him to know she was going to leave. But he knew he had no room to talk about his own selfish desires. She must hate him for how he’s treated her. He hadn’t made a single effort the entire time he knew her, ran like a coward when she entered a room. He would ignore her if he couldn’t escape, afraid if he looked at her she would see through his steely exterior and see how weak he was. The emotions he felt towards her were so strong, it scared him. And now he had to watch her leave.

Bucky leaned against the metal rails, tears collecting in his eyes. He didn’t deserve to feel the way he did for her. He didn’t deserve her. He was so broken and shattered, that he couldn’t taint her innocence. He had to let her go. As much as it hurt, he knew it was for the best. She needed to be free to live her life, and if leaving was what she wanted, then who was he to stand in her way? He might never be the reason for her smiles, nor show her all he learned about her and her favorites. He wanted to be the reasons for her happiness but found it difficult to let himself open up to her. She would never love him, and he had to let her go. Pushing off the railings, he turned back to the building, reluctant to step inside.

After tonight, she was leaving first thing in the morning and he would most likely never see her again. With a heavy heart, he opened the door and stepped in, knowing it was inevitable. She would be gone from his life after this, and he had to accept it. There was nothing he could do, nothing he ever deserved to do. He had to let her go. 


End file.
